why can’t a man be more like a woman?
I recently was alerted to an online rant by a young lady. She stridently expressed her absolute and utter loathing of beards and body hair. According to her preferences, all traces of them should be removed from men. Interestingly, facial hair and body hair are two of the main male secondary sex characteristics, which are physical features that distinguish men from women. In essence, she was screaming for men to be more similar to women. What good is that? The physical differences between men and women should be celebrated rather than obliterated. Grow your beard!
May 29th, 2006 at 9:42 pm
I’ve often wondered about women who are so violently opposed to beards, body hair, or just plain masculine men.
Could it be they they actually prefer women?
WWFS
(What Would Freud Say)
May 30th, 2006 at 12:01 am
Justin,
I wouldn’t go so far as to make that suggestion. Rather, I think it does point out that the mindless opposition to beards logically leads one unknowingly down the path to such a conclusion — when taken to an extreme. There’s so much cultural conditioning against beards, that far too many people reject them without stopping to ever analyze why. Much of the bias simply springs from the conditioning that we all have experienced just because beards are still relatively uncommon and unfamiliar. People are often uncomfortable with things that are unfamiliar to them.
June 1st, 2006 at 2:09 pm
Our politically correct culture and especially academia increasingly see the males as nothing more than a defective female. Male characteristics are frowned upon everywhere from school, the workplace, to even homelife. The male stereotypical traits of competition, aggression, and even emotional control are frowned upon. The ideal man would be calm and in touch with his emotions. Likewise the ideal visual image of a man is feminized. It’s called the “metrosexual” - a man with female characteristics - and it’s increasingly being presented as the ideal visual image of a man.
Nothing screams that a human has both an X and Y chromosome more than body and facial hair. Remember; since males are seen as nothing more than defective females, body hair comes across as a male characteristic that can be “fixed” with shaving.
I know this doesn’t apply to all females that dislike facial hair, but someone would have a hard time proving to me that this isn’t one of the main reasons women dislike it.
June 1st, 2006 at 9:47 pm
Also we are geared the think of facial hair as a sign of personal neglect, meaning the stereotype of a very well groomed man is one of a cleanshaven and shorthaired man, the inverse being a hippie, Redneck, or Hillbillie. We are educated to believe that only the uneducated allow the hair on thier face to go unchecked.
Look at the Brawny commercials and the packaging of the towels themselves, the “Brawny” man, even though, he is always depicted as a mountain outdoorsy type, is always cleanshaven now. The latest Ad shows him touting a “Brawny Academy” where supposedly men will learn (there is that Education line again) to be more sensitive, and more toward the effeminate, it even touts, and exalts shaving with a knife while delivering the line “Learn good hygene.”
Also we have to look at the way razors are marketed, there is ALWAYS a great looking girl at the end of the ad, it is as if the community of advertisers is indicating the message “Manly=BAD Female=good” and the public has largely bought into it.
I, for one, am proud to say that I observe, but dont buy into this mess. As I believe was said earlier in the blog, We should celebrate our differences.
June 14th, 2006 at 7:47 am
Actually, my wife is the one who wants me to keep my beard! The few times I’ve shaved it in our 18 years together, she starts working on me to grow it right back. I do enjoy having a beard, but occasionally want to see a change. I’ll always have a beard as long as she’s around, though.
June 14th, 2006 at 5:33 pm
Hi, Bob,
That’s great! Sounds like she knows what she likes and doesn’t fall for all that cultural brainwashing!
June 23rd, 2006 at 7:49 am
women who have a phobia of beards are suffering from excessive penis envy.
June 30th, 2006 at 9:05 pm
It’s just another example of the forced feminization of males today. We’ve been pulled from our age-old roles as masses of masculinity and cast into increasingly “pussified” archetypes. The same thing is happening on the female side with the whole feminist revolution where the women take more independent, masculine roles and become noticably less feminine.
This is exactly why I’ll always have a beard, I’ll always own a gun to defend my family, and I’ll never marry a feminist. The male should never be forced to abandon his traditional roles.
July 12th, 2006 at 7:26 pm
Aside from the gender stereotyping/bashing point of view, don’t forget that body hair for both men and women is currently unfashionable and taboo in popular culture representations. This isn’t about feminization, its about making a fetish of pre-pubescence. The only other time of life when a person has no facial/body/pubic hair is when they are under 12 years old (or younger for girls). Hairlessness is currently considered sexually attractive and this strikes me as having odd undertones of pedophilia.
July 13th, 2006 at 10:49 pm
As a bearded man. I have experienced womens reactions to beards in a diffrent way. I’m a Blacksmith. My wife has made a point of bringing her friends around the forge. While me and my mates are working. Out of the five of us there is not a single man without a full beard. And the general concensus of the women is its sexy as hell. The fire ,smoke, us sweating at the anvil swinging hammers. It conjures up pictures of the way men should look. Before the blowdried times. Before When the term metrosexual ment you were a gay man from town. Its a truly sad time when its expected of a man to behave like a woman. To seek your very nature and be shuned by society. We will be attending the latest marriage of one of my mates who meet his wife at the forge( four down, one to go.) Gentlemen, Its time we claimed what is ours. Grow your beard, have honour, be merciful and embrace what our fathers called being a MAN!!!
July 16th, 2006 at 7:43 pm
All of these comments are very interesting and insightful. I am happy to be the first female to post a response to this column.
My boyfriend has been growing a beard for 2 months now, and I’m very excited about the whole event. Each day I watch as his beard grows thicker and longer. He looks extravagently handsome–beard or no beard. I think he should continue to showcase his beard with honor.
Others, however, disagree….but they don’t seem to know why, or even care. “We have reached a consensus,” one retorted in regard to the newly grown beard: “get rid of it.” Of course my bearded bear did not allow the impulsive criticisms get him down, but I could tell he was aggrivated….kind of in the same way a vegetarian or a hairy-legged woman becomes when she must constantly make a case for herself when those who question her intentions can’t seem to come up with a compelling case of their own. The “food-chain” argument–or the “it just ain’t natural” copout is exhausted and naive, albeit just as valid or true as a case reached through exhaustive analysis.) It takes too much for granted.
Beards have become quite a conversation piece, a controversial one at that. Looking over some of these posts, however, I cannot help but notice the dangerously dychotomous trap that some have illuminated: male versus female, beard versus clean-shaven, strength versus passivity. I think sometimes it’s too easy (rightfully so) to see these things in terms of black or white. Just as men have been encouraged to frost their tips, shave their chests, and don those horrid shell necklaces, they do not stop being men. But they can be identified more so as women somehow, which does not make women any less feminine–or men any less, well, manly. I think we need to look at how we conceive or male and female. Difference disappears. Lines overlap. I’m interested in what people consider feminine and masculine, and why I’m so bothered when I hear a woman talk about how a man is too feminine–a woman too manly. What is at stake here? Why so much drama in the lbc?
Of course, all of this talk about the social construction of gender and gender myopia is complex, and I can’t say I have much new to offer here. I would like to say to the human who posted that he would never marry a feminist: why not? This is interesting to me–just as interesting as all of this beard talk….all of this talk about social/cultural brainwashing and whatnot. Such claims also take too much for granted. What does it mean NOT to be brainwashed? Do all people behave merely like some aggregate of zombified drones who are not critically conscious? That people hate beards and loath body hair points to who we are….at least in the United States, in particular. If we are unhappy with beard-fearing females and males, what can we do about this?
-grow a phat beard
-make a t-shirt: it’s cheap and effective
-support beards and body hair…..
-write a song
And as for never wanting to marry a feminist, no problem. Cool. But we should make sure to do some research about feminism, first–to see that it works to further gender equality–not gender superiority. Plus, what about the language that we use to talk about this stuff, these contraditions, these dychotomies?
July 18th, 2006 at 10:17 pm
Ellla,
Welcome! Thanks for your intriguing remarks. I’m glad to hear that you support your boyfriend’s beard-growing endeavors. I can’t speak for the other commentors, but my original point was to raise an objection to the seemingly mindless condemnation of beards that is sadly too frequent. Your boyfriend apparently experienced it when the group announced their consensus that the beard must go — even if they did not know why they reached that conclusion nor did they care. I like to challenge people on that, to stop them cold and make them take a look at their automatic assumptions that beards must go. If they do not know why they are against beards, make them examine that. It is a first step towards getting them to rethink their anti-beard biases.
August 13th, 2006 at 11:39 pm
I married a feminist, and it was the best decision I ever made. A powerful woman is more likely to be able to deal with a man’s honest choices, in my experience. The second best decision I ever made was growing a beard. It is about being relaxed to me, not paying so much attention to scraping my face every day so people around me can be more comfortable. It’s more who I am.
As for masculinity, however, mine is strong enough that I’m not worried about it dissapearing if I shave. It is bigger than a few hairs.
I think you guys are on the wrong track with this whole ‘people want you to be women’ thing. I agree with the poster who said that people want people want us to look like boys. We live in a youth fixated culture, all images of ‘normal-ness’ are pictures of kids. Old men and women are not treated with respect. Signs of aging are seen as signs of defeat, failure.
Women know this most of all, through all of the crap they get put through for not hiding wrinkles, or gray hairs. Men also know this through the general dislike of beards, which is a very clear sign of adulthood, of not worshipping the image of a pre-pubescent teen. What blasphemy! that we should want to mature.
anyway, that is my 10 cents. Thanks for the forum, guys.
August 16th, 2006 at 10:16 am
THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF THE FEMINIZATION OF OUR COUNTRY. WOMEN WHO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MEN THAT HAVE BEARDS, FEEL THREATENED BY A MASCULINITY THAT IS SO VISIUAL. AT FIRST WOMEN WANTED TO BE TREATED FAIRLY , THEN THEY WANTED TO BE TREATED EQUALLY, NOW THEY WANTED TO BE TREATED BETTER THAN MEN. IF WOMEN WOULD BE - WOMEN, AND MEN WOULD BE - MEN, BOTH WOULD BE HAPPY WITH THE RESULTS.
FOR A MAN TO ALLOW HIS BEARD TO GROW IS; I HOPE THE START OF THAT REALIZATION, AND A RESURGANCE OF MASCULINITY. MASCULINITY THAT MUST BE TEMPERED WITH CHIVILRY TO ALLOW IT’S TRUE ESSANCE TO BE REALIZED.
September 21st, 2006 at 11:07 am
The modern “feminist” movement seeks to make women equal to men by becoming men and by feminizing men.
Not all women are down on beards for that reason. My grandmother hated beards when she was young “because she had to kiss her bearded family.” And, “didn’t like getting a mouthfull of wiskers.”
A woman friend tried to get me to cut mine by making me feel “dirty.” She asked, “How do you clean that dirty old thing?” I told her, “I shampoo it every day when I take my shower.” That took the wind out of her sails.
October 12th, 2006 at 4:23 pm
Men shouldn’t have to shave their FACES AND CHEST to appease women/look like people on TV and women shouldnt have to shave/wax their ENTIRE BODIES EITHER!!!!!
I think that hairy women go through just as many or more problems than hairy men do. It’s entirely natural for women to grow hair, thats their natural state. But its pretty frowned upon in society of they don’t shave/wax every single spot.
!!HAIRY SOLIDARITY!!
-TWO GENDERS ONE CAUSE-
October 27th, 2006 at 3:35 pm
lol well done Aldon.
Everyone asks me how I clean mine, as if it is some kind of riddle.
Are people really so dense that they cannot conceive of how to clean a face/beard?
Says more about their hygene than ours
November 4th, 2006 at 3:30 am
People told me when my beard was longer that it looked “nasty” or “unkempt” even though I washed it every day and trimmed the straggly hairs to keep it even. Most people think that it’s going to be coarse and scratchy and they’re surprised when they feel it and it’s soft and springy. I do my best to take care of my beard in the best way that I know how and I think I do a pretty good job. I ask people why they say these things to me and they usually cop out and say things like “I don’t know” or “that’s just what I think.” I keep asking why and they tend to get extremely defensive, even though they haven’t explained anything to me. So confusing.
When my fiancee and I met, I was still in high school and all I was allowed to have was sideburns that stopped at the bottom of my ears (even though I said “Screw this” and grew mutton chops…I was a senior and they didn’t do anything until graduation day when I had to shave them off) and she said to me that she didn’t like beards, but she did like sideburns.
We had just started dating and I told her that as soon as I graduated, I was going to grow a beard. She told me that I should go ahead and grow it, even though she didn’t know if she was going to like it. Two and a half months later I had a respectable chin-curtain and she quickly changed her opinion of beards. She loves them now and I’ve since gone from having a chin-curtain to a full beard to a goatee and now I’m back to a full beard (all in one year!). I told her, “Baby, if I ever say anything about shaving my beard or trimming it down short again, please punch me in the face.”
Anyway, she went from not liking beards to loving them. My opinion is, is that if you give beards a chance (either growing one or if your boyfriend/spouse wants to grow one) you may change your own opinion of them. People just need to give beards a chance!
November 13th, 2006 at 1:26 am
All three of my wifes hate beards , or maybe just mine - I dont really know . What I really know is I like my beard and it stays .
November 13th, 2006 at 9:47 am
The argument whether or not to wear a beard is up to the man. Or, if in a relationship, or married, jointly decided. There are many religions that dictate a man shall have face hair. As for the current social stigma that beards are unacceptable, that’s rubbish. Basically, it’s a personal decision to wear/not wear/or dislike facial hair. Personally, I’m not attracted to facial hair on women, but that’s just my internal dislike kicking in until I get to know the woman behind the mustache. After I’ve decided the female has a good personality and character, the facial hair disappears from my mind. As for the term “metrosexual” whomever coined that word should be shot at dawn! Men are Men and Women are Women. Get to the middle ground people and learn to get along and get rid of social phobias. Oh, one last comment — Advertising is designed to sale products - they’ll use whatever it takes to make a dollar.
November 14th, 2006 at 5:21 am
I think that young lady is “SHAVE CRAZY ” - I bet even the bears in the zoo arent safe !
November 15th, 2006 at 2:47 am
Hey ….. Some of my best friends are Hippies , Rednecks , and Hillbillies - Nuff Said !
November 16th, 2006 at 4:17 pm
I enjoy having a beard. Began shaving the week I turned 12
December 6th, 2006 at 4:38 am
Me too Greg , It was just my chin - But it was all mine !
April 28th, 2007 at 12:39 am
I agree with you, specially with PAUL SHEPARD. in Spain there is also a general idea that men should wear no beard, but there is something worst. there is also a general idea that the sexiest men are those who look more like women.
I don’t understand because if beard and corporal hair are one of the things that distinguish men and women, shouldn’t it be sexy for girls? instead they act as if you were a caveman.
I’m 18 and I’m hairy, and I’m not going to look like this society wants me to look like. instead, my main preocupation now, is that I still can’t grow my beard properly, (so if you can help me with this I will thank you eternally!!)
Maybe women are becoming lesbian?? is it the end of the REAL MEN??
I hope not. When I manage to grow my beard, I will wear it proudly.
say not to metrosexual tendency
July 29th, 2007 at 8:49 am
Instead of turning this into a “male ego” thing, perhaps you should try to understand the reason WHY a woman might not like facial hair. I am a older woman who has an adversion to men with facial hair and excessive body hair and it is NOT because I secretly prefer women. For years every night, clear through my fifties, I had paralyzing nightmares where I would lay in bed afraid to move, afraid to breathe, terrified that the “hairy” monster would come and get me. You would have to be pretty obtuse not to figure out what caused these nightmares. Even now in my sixties, after all the theraphy, I still have to sleep with a night light. So, yes, I like men and I like them to be clean shaven. A lot of women do for various reasons, maybe not as extreme as mine, and, yes, As long as there are men who prey on children (it’s in the news every day), you need to accept that there are going to be some after effects. If shaving is all it takes to make a woman be more comfortable then
I think men should be a little sensitive without getting all macho about their right to grow a beard.
August 1st, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Jane,
I’m sorry to hear of your trauma and its long-term effects on you. However, there are men who commit misdeeds whether they have a beard or not.
August 2nd, 2007 at 2:45 pm
I use to be affraid of the “owl that hid under my bed” (silly I know, but it was an owl to me) but I didn’t try to eradicate all the owls out there.
For what ever reason, men stopped growing beards in the old days I think possibly the resurgence of beard growth is at least partly due to men growing tired of “women” telling men how to be more manly. How does a woman know what is more manly (They substitute “manly” with “sexy”)? … They only know what they want and will do whatever it takes to get it.
Men of the world unite and take back some of your masculinity … GROW YOUR BEARDS.
August 3rd, 2007 at 9:21 am
One reason why women should love a man with a beard is that the more a man looks like a man … the more she looks like a woman.
August 7th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
Well I like beards on some men and not on others. It just depends on how they look.
But this whole thing about body hair being a masculine trait is just frustrating to me. Yes, men have more body hair than women, but women have body hair too and are just not supposed to admit it. But believe me, even the most feminine model walking down the runway would have hairy legs and underarms if she would just let it happen…naturally! I have had so many men and women tell me how “disgusting” and “dirty” they think women with unshaved legs and underarms are. They never seem able to give me an answer when I ask them if they think men with hair on their legs and underarms are dirty.
So some of you men think women don’t like beards because want men to be women. Do you think that women who let their body hair grow want to be men?
August 7th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
Ellen,
I think you’ve pointed out a great example of cultural conditioning. We’ve been conditioned to seeing women with shaved legs and underarms to such an extent that seeing the contrary is uncomfortable for many.
September 2nd, 2007 at 6:35 pm
You might checkout this website….
September 2nd, 2007 at 6:46 pm
And then another citation on Rome second century B.C.
http://laudatortemporisacti.blogspot.com/2004/09/barbarians-and-beards_08.html
Fascinating!
January 15th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
Agree with Ellen and really can’t see the big deal. If you want a beard have one, some look better with them but I think most don’t. My personal preference is clean shaven but either way if I love the guy makes no difference.
January 28th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Jennifer,
Thank you!!!