The most difficult thing about growing a beard is dealing with the comments of others. Okay, that may not be THE hardest thing, but it is definitely among the most difficult. Depending on your situation, you may find that the comments on your new beard are all supportive. That would be the best-case scenario. And that scenario does happen. In the worst-case scenario, however, people may declare all-out psychological warfare in an attempt to defeat your beard-growing efforts.
People are resistant to change and they all have opinions. When you grow a beard, you are changing the image that they have of you and they often would prefer that you not do that. They usually also have an opinion on beards that they feel compelled to share with you, like it or not. It’s often surprising how free people feel to criticize a new beard when similar criticisms of other physical features would generally be considered off limits. What should you do? Be prepared to stand your ground. When growing a new beard, make a commitment to yourself to see it through for at least six weeks. Make it a steadfast rule that you will not cave in, no matter what kinds of remarks or complaints are lobbed at you. You must psychologically prepare yourself for an onslaught of comments. Stand firm. Grow your beard!
Far too many newly-grown beards get hacked off in fits of self-doubt after receiving some insensitive, negative comments. Don’t let this happen to you. After people learn that you are not spineless and that you are committed to growing the beard, the commentary will usually ease up. It may even all become positive feedback. Some of the harshest critics may find that they actually like your beard! You’ll never learn that, however, if you let the beard critics win.
I just started growing my first beard 2 months ago just because a friend said I shouldn’t. Now, I’m not sure if I’d ever cut it off…
Hey, Keith! Good for you! Keep it growing.
Hey — I love this blog! It certainly does take encouragement and/or intestinal fortitude to get your beard off the ground (so to speak). I faced a lot of opposition from some elements in my family at the beginning of my beard odyssey, but I managed to persevere, and I couldn’t be happier, 7 weeks in now!
Congratulations, Wes! Way to go! Glad to hear that you love the blog, too! Keep that beard growing.
I started my beard on Thanksgiving. I have gotten lots of good comments about it. I plan on keeping it for a long time. I encourage other to grow their beards.
The only person I ever get any negative comments from is my mother. She says it makes me look too old (and her by association). Everyone else either likes it or are indifferent.
most people like my change, however, I knew my grandparents at dad would have something to say!
You might call this “beard-thickness & neckline Catch-22.” My biggest quandary has been the area under the jaw between chin and neck, and how to fill (or not fill) it with growth.
The reason many guys set the neckline “too high” (which can look awkward from the side and back) is that they want to define their jawline, but _don’t_ want a thick beard beneath their chin, or a “bushy” look in general. Many women seem to like beards better when they’re not that much beyond stubble, which is a pragmatic consideration! Missing out on a hottie because you look too Neanderthal (to them) may not be worth martyrdom.
Unless the beard is allowed to grow approx. 1/2″ to 1″ thick below the jaw (depending on chin-to-neck slope), it looks odd to trim the neckline at the “natural” point because it creates a brown mask effect. It can make the neck look bloated from the front and amplify a sloping neck or double chin. Men with a genetic horizontal slope beneath the jaw have it easy, especially if their jaw isn’t too long. Overly long jaws look ungainly with a long stretch of hair underneath them (with a short beard, that is).
With many men, the underside of the jaw loses its former horizontal state once you reach a certain age, and facial exercises have limited effects. This can be roughly defined as a 30+ degree down-slope from chin to neck, if not an obvious double chin. Since many guys grow beards to _hide_ those things, they face a dilemma about defining the neckline too low vs. growing the beard thicker than they want.
Often they end up settling for goatees since those aren’t expected to extend all the way back to the neck. Personally, I think goatees look contrived and require more work than just shaving (especially the vertical edges). I tried one once and couldn’t get comfortable with the concept. It’s like you’re trying to look hip or suave, etc..
To reiterate, if the beard is kept short you can still see the chin-to-neck slope underneath it (which was supposed to be hidden!) It can end up looking worse than just shaving altogether. Letting the beard get bushy tends to fill in that void, as if you had a horizontal slope to begin with. That’s the Catch-22; bushy beard to hide double-chin or short beard with imperfect neckline.
If there was a device to easily taper a neckline for a “fade-in” effect vs. an abrupt edge, it would help a lot of people. I had a beard for 5 years but was never quite OK with a sharp cutoff. If anyone knows an easily-repeatable way to fade the neckline for guys with “sloping jaws” please followup.
Jim, I don’t quite understand what you mean by “sloping jaws.” I think I would have to have a picture of an example of this to quite understand what you are saying here.
this site is awesome! i have been growing my beard for 2.5 months. it is coming along great!!!!!!!! I am aiming for zakk wylde or kerry king length
I just wanted to say that I’ve been growing my beard for over a month now and I think that I’m looking devilishly handsome. Whenever it gets a bit longer I will try to post some pics for everyone to see. I do have a question or two and a comment. My first question is, ” How do most men who are uh…. beardless generally react to those men who have full beards?” My second question is, “Why do people react so rudely and openly advise you to shave whenever it’s not their damn face?” My comment is that “Dan” in the Success Stories section is unbelievably sexy. He looks like an Assyrian god! I want Dan’s number! northatlantic@lycos.com
Jim: I can’t say enough just how dead on your observation is. I’m in the sloping jaw/neck category (probably too much beer) and have struggled over the last few beard tries on just where the neck line should be. I’ve always opted for the “crease” which is plainly too high. I think this round I’ll go for full and bushy and see what happens.
Steve: Thanks for the site!
Regards – jp
Yeah, I grew a beard recently for the first time, had a few comments but stuck with it and now all seems good! Just a quick question, if anyone knows; my beard hair is a bit tough and wiry and doesn’t seem to grow ‘neatly’. Some bits seems to grow straight out and others stright down. Does anyone know of any product that I could use or any grooming technique I could use to make it a bit softer and more manageable, just so I can keep growning it longer and it won’t look a mess…. jeez, I sound like a girl don’t I!!!
Well, after a year and 3 months of growth, my beard/forest is gone. I shaved it off purposely because aside from the occasional trim (van Dyke), I have not seen my baby face in close to two years, nor my chin, or lack of it, in over four.
Of course, an alternative reason is because early on, I told Steve I would shave off the beard at some point and commit to a weekly update for the next three months. I do, however, miss my beard. While I live in Texas, the biting winds of our winter weather has my cheeks missing it too. Maybe I should have started this in the summer, but before you know it, my beard will be back.
Guys, any recomendations on beard trimmers Make and Model number, my trimmer gives me an uneven trim, are the foil trimmers any good or should I stick to the tooth king. Any advice guys.
E-mail to dohertycp@eircom.net. please
A blog about beards. Amazing!
I can’t grow a beard myself. But I admire those who can.
To whom it might concern…how do YOUs recommend that i persist-oN with my DREAM to prosper in the area of my facial hair ??
Meaning, I have a goatee, but, it goes thru so many stages, meaning,
some hairs are courser than others, some are LONGer, some are more and less straight, some stronger–apparently the roots for them particular ones, some are seemingly shorter ’cause the wind distracts them often times ….
MY KEY GOAL is to re-grow out the goatee to be like I had it about 5 years ago, when I was 23 yRs. oLd.
Back in theM-dayz’, my goatee was a HEAVEN-SENTed, meaning,
each hair was inexplicably + undeniably STRAIGHT, and also each one
was STRONG, + each hair was evidently real STRONG [yeA’, winds had to be REAL strong to move ‘eM].
ANywaYz’, if anyone knows on Earth ’bout this, it’s YOUs.
sO , ANY iNFo. bACK REGARDING THIS iNQUiRy WILL BE ‘PPRECIATED . .
Jimmy;
I also have a very wiry beard. Use a good conditioner on it every time you wash it (daily I would hope). Conditioning really does make a difference.
I enjoyed this blog…I work as a mortician and am constantly having to stand my ground with my boss. I try to give examples of upstanding bearded folks,
Jesus
Abe Lincoln
(even God has a beard in the old paintings)
Good for you , Nick , Stick to your guns ! . Grow that beard ! – I know things would be easier for me if where I work if I became a “Cleanhead ” again . But I hate my chin – So I wont ! + Im lazy too. I keep it short now , just trimming it and shaving my underneck is a job sometime , but its worth it . God Bless/ Take Care – Ohio John
I have been growing my beard for about a month now, and am trying to look for pictures of ways to trim it. I don’t like having so much hair on my lower neck, and back by my ears, but wanted to wait till it got failrly thick before touching it at all. While trying to find good examples online I stumbled across this blog, which is awsome by the way. Anyway, any tips for a younger guy (20) on growing his first beard, and where to draw that line between beard and neck? I think going straight along my jawline would be to high, but I don’t want to try something else and have it look hoaky.
I would like to begin by encouraging all men with the ability to grow a decent beard to do so. Understand that you are chosen by God to have this special attribute, and not all of us are blessed in this way. I would love to grow an awesome man-beard, but lack the genes. All that I have been able to muster so far is a modest patch just below my chin. There are several men that I know who have potential to grow, but don’t. This is a shame. Good luck men. Grow for us less fortunate ones.
Steve-o,
It sounds like you are off to a great start. If you want to go ahead and work on defining the neck line, check out this page: http://www.beards.org/neck.php
Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
Earl,
Great comment. Thanks!
I don’t have a problem with my neck line. I let my beard grow long and no one can see my neck anyway.
After I get out of the shower and my beard is still wet I comb it out and down.
The only time I have a problem with my neck is when I “snag” a few whiskers in the comb, but that hardly happens because I start at the ends and gradually work my way deeper with the comb. A long beard buddy of mine uses a brush.
Aldon
What beard trimmer do you recommend?
I am about 3 weeks into converting my goatee into a full beard.
I am certainly enjoying not having to shave (yet) and it is filling in nicely.
It has more gray in it than I would have hoped but most of that seems to be on my chin, and everyone is used to that from the goatee ! Will post some pics eventually.
Good job, Tony! Keep it growing and keep us posted.
Hi, I am 27 years old and have only been growing my beard for about two weeks now. I was in the military for a while and never really grew it out before longer than a week or two. I am noticing that it looks really thick in the goatee/mustache area and along the jaw line, but my sideburns and cheeks are patchy. The hairs that are there are thick and black, but they are more sparse than the rest of my face. What i am wondering is will this fill in as I continue to grow it? right now it looks just scraggly and dirty to me and i want to cut it off pretty bad, but I want a full beard so I have been trying to be patient. any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you
Hans,
Sometimes it may look like it won’t fill in and it does. Sometimes, it may not fill in to your satisfaction. If you can stick with it, give it about four more weeks and then evaluate how it looks. Good luck to you.
Hi , i am 23 years old, have very less beard and facial hairs. I am worried much about this. so can you pleasetell me what are the steps i need to follow to improve my facial hairs. Really i am worrying much abt this, plz clarify this problem.
thank you.
Hi, I have just started to grow a beard but my mustache and the “soulpatch” area are much lighter than the rest of my beard. It kind of lookes like I have what you refer to as a chin curtain – when I am trying to grow a full beard. Does anyone know if the mustache etc. will appear thicker or more “visible” when it grows longer, or will I have to coulor my mustache? In that case do you know any products that work? Will I have to coulor my mustache a number of times per week. I’m trying to figure out if it is worthwile to continue saving. Or does anyone have any other tips on how to make the mustache more apparent compared to the rest of the beard? Thanks in advance!
On December 27, Jim said:
Many women seem to like beards better when they’re not that much beyond stubble, which is a pragmatic consideration! Missing out on a hottie because you look too Neanderthal (to them) may not be worth martyrdom.
In my opinion, if a woman is that shallow, you should reconsider if she actually is all that much of a hottie.
Hello!
I have a few questions:
1) Is there anything that can stop the itching in the first days of beard growing? (I know it won’t itchy later, because I’ve already grown my beard one time)
2) How can I get a thick beard like these guys have? I’m 20 and have a complete beard, but the mustache doesn’t connect with the beard. My father and all man in my family have full and complete beards (so it’s not a genetics issue). Is there any product I can use or any daily procedure to make my beard grow thicker and fill the places?
If I had a beard full like that I would never shave! đŸ˜€
OMG! I really need a beard like that!
Thanks!
my beard are grown same all the places on the face and my mush is not strong also what do iam worries
Great site and some good looking Beards here!!!
Have a goatee myself and would love to grow a beard at some stage.
Good on ya!!
I used to get carded every time I wanted to get into a bar.
Since I grew a full beard no one asks me for ID anymore.
Another reason to grow one guys!
My beard was started for a bet some 30 years ago during university days, and have enjoyed one of various lengths ever since, usually on average about 1.5 to 2″ long! The aim was to see how quickly a ‘full set’ could be grown to a given length over a period of three weeks. It grew evenly from day one, if a little sparse for my liking and is still trimmed as it always has using comb and scissors.
Of course there were the usual comments and remarks, but you just learn to ignore these. Over the years it became apparent that most of this was often borne from envy because they did not want or could not grow one themselves. Thats fine. It is an individual lifestyle choice. Most comments have been complementary and, yes even success with the ladies. They prefer one that is established and not stubble as its softer on their skin when getting intimate.
A beard appears to act as a filter too (no, not to filter out tealeaves when drinking tea!) with regard to ‘filtering’ out people or women who are superficial in intent. If they can not see your true self beyond the facade then, in my opinion, beware.
In the UK and maybe this happens elsewhere, amature psychologists have on many occasions tried to suggest that a beard means the person has something to hide! I am not sure about that one and perhaps someone could comment on this?
Having a beard does not appear to bar you from getting good or professional jobs either. Most good employers are usually only interested in your abilities. Work colleagues have never seen me without one and are trying their hardest to see if they can persuade me to shave it off!
The only problem I have encountered is with a deaf lady who could lip read but only with people without beards as it masked the facial expressions necessary for accurate reading.
Finally, no two beards are the same and they are as individual as the person in these days of required conformity.
I have been growing my beard for about two months, and I like it. My wife and my mother advice to immediately shave it of.
What shall I do? (keep it or convert to a goatee (moustache)?
Alex,
It depends on how much you want to keep your full beard. If you really want to keep it, you should. Then just focus on teaching your wife and mother to accept it as part of you. Good luck!
How can i change my stubble beard to grow in thicker so i can feel more like a man??? and does beer help beard growth..
Dealing with ugly comments about one’s beard:
Here’s my paraphrase of part of the excellent article at the top of this thread:
The ugly comments often really aren’t about the beard but about trying to relieve a momentary pang of social insecurity at the expense of the first visible target.
Here’s my experience of that:
I can let most of those slide quickly away from my attention, but sometimes I’ve felt stung.
The stings came from a few acquaintances or friends I had trusted. They would have gone after other people at those moments if I hadn’t been visible and participating in the conversation. Such analysis didn’t make the stings any easier to take.
The good news is that they did admit to the offenses, express genuine regret and treat me better after I told them I didn’t appreciate what they said. Forgiving the worst of the stings was neither quick nor cheap, but the eventual relief was and is better than the repeated injuries from reliving the events. By the way, for a great movie about the real-time consequences of reliving or repeating bad events, see the movie, “Flatliners,” from 1990, with Julia Robers.
One sting event that didn’t stop hurting every few months for several years, even after I had forgiven that stinger and received an apology, led to a place in my own heart that needed some light.
When I started growing my beard I got a lot of negative remarks, but being the bull-headed German that I am, I perservered. I still get a few “remarks” from people that don’t know me and don’t know that pestering me just sets my resolve to do my own thing.
Now, the people that know me try to use reverse psychology on me … “Oh you look so much younger / handsom with your beard trimmed.”
Yes, once a year I still cut my beard back but never completely off. I’m letting it grow for two years this time to get ready for the IBMC in Alaska in 2009.
Steve:
Thanks for sharing that. I’m sorry to hear that some of the stings were so hurtful. I’m glad that you stood up for yourself and that things worked out.
Aldon:
Keep growing!
more than half the people who see me with my beard find it hard to approach me for some reason. Having a beard does make it harder to survive in the dating world. But my girlfriend loves my beard and wouldnt change a thing about me. so i guess in a way sticking out and being different is a good thing.
I used to have a goatee I was striving to get to Ian Scott status, but, as you mentioned, my gf at the time didn’t really like it and friends would often give me the muff face comment. So I just decided to shave it off, to be spontaneous. And honestly, I didn’t care what my friends had said, it was my ex that I mostly did it for, heh. Women, right? Now I kind of regret it because it’d be quite a neck beard by now I figure. Right now, I’m trying to grow out a full on beard, to see how it’d look. Now, my facial hair is quite sparse, which makes me feel a bit self concious about the end result. But, can’t know till it’s there, right? The goatee area is the thickest area, but still can look a bit thin sometimes. But I still like how it looked. anyway, I also don’t have full coverage. I’ve got the chops and neck, and then the stache and patch being separate entities. I always hear the shave often to thicken a beard bit but I just can’t seem to believe that. Anyway, what do you beard people think and suggest?
Let it grow. The longer it gets the more it will fill in the sparcer areas.
Just wanted to point out that, aside from things dealing with character, growing a beard is one of the most masculine things you can do. Think about it: women can’t grow beards. Why so many negative comments?
Well, I think it might have something to do with the feminization of our society. Now it’s getting to the point where we see so few men with beards that when we see one, it even seems odd. How tragic. More power to you men with beards!
Great points! Thanks, Naomi!
I think the dissapearance of beards got started “before” people started being offended by the mention of God in public.
But “man” … male and female … were created in the immage of God. The Bible speaks of the “beard of God” and I think shaving or preasuring someone to shave might be an attempt to erase more of the thought of God from our lives.
Aldon